Gather round friends, I’m about to spit some hot fire of
truth. The most random events that
happen to us, are the memories that stand out. In my particular case, the most random and hilariously epic event that I
ever got to witness happened on a seemingly average day of high school. But
before I get into it, I have some disclaimers:
1)
This is one of those stories that you had to
have been there to find it as funny as I do. But I will damn well try to
explain why I’m LMAO.
2)
Some of you may find this story kind of low brow
at the least, and mean at the most. So if you’re someone who may potentially
get offended, stop reading. I will post another story from the hollowed days of
my youth sometime soon!
OK, we good? Cool. Read on.
To set this story up I need to explain some things. First
off, in my high school special needs students were called “Planning For
Independence” by the school’s administration, or pip kids for short.
Secondly, back in high school I was friends with this Korean girl named Bolim. Bolim was a very prim and proper kind of super nerd. She was Little Miss Perfect in every sense. I initially found her to be incredibly annoying, but because we had the same classes throughout the spring semester of gr.11, we became friends out of necessity. Anyway, Bolim had a tendency to fan herself hysterically with both hands whenever she was freaking out, and she could freak out over the smallest of things, like getting a grade below 90%.
So....
One day Bolim and I walked
into the Cafeteria and as we passed through the doors, this gr.9 pip kid sitting
at a table closest to us, is scratching his balls furiously then looks up,
square into Bolim’s eyes, does this come hither look and goes...“Hey Ling-Ling
wanna be my girlfriend?”.
I died! I just died.
There are moments in life when time stands still. This was one of them for me. I didn’t know what to do, what to say. I didn’t know where
to look. I sure as hell wasn't going to look back at
the pip kid scratching his balls away like he was strumming a guitar. I was
just gobsmacked.
Let that scene play again in your mind. Really let that
scene sink in.
First off, who knew a pip kid could be racist? This kid, out
of his own accord, unprovoked by anyone, called a Korean girl by probably the
most stereotypically sounding Asian name.
Second off, this kid had the audacity and the capacity to:
A)
ask a girl he didn’t know to be his girlfriend
AND
B)
scratch
his balls the whole time through
I don’t care if the kid was special needs or not, the fact
remains that it was a gr.9 boy asking a gr.11 girl to go steady with him. So hats
off to that kid!
Bolim was mortified.
She was fanning her bright red face like there was no tomorrow.
In that moment, I thought to myself “YUP. My high school experience is
complete.”.
